| yon gray lines that fret the clouds are messengers of the day |
[entries|friends|calendar] |
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| confusion |
[14 May 2008|07:06pm] |
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mood |
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 calm |
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"i sat there beside myself, thinking hard about the weather."
talking to megan always helps me collect my thoughts.
she knows, dude, she knows.
i want this to last a while.
im too good for this kind of shit.
it's called being nineteen.
it's called being mature
it's called being grown up
i havent felt this old since i was in middle school.
i'm only changing for the better.
i can't stop listening to "All Things Ordinary" by the Anniversary
"was it the boy, the boy who stole your heart?"
"will you stay near me now? don't leave this town until we figure out whats between the two of us. we're strong enough. I feel it in your touch."
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| ok so I just found this |
[12 Mar 2008|08:47am] |
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Survey in my old entries, and I want to go back and see how much it's changed since three years ago...
[x ] I've smoked weed.
[x ] I've smoked.
[x ] I've gotten high.
[x ] I've consumed alcohol.
[ ] I've run away from home.
[ ] I lie to my parents regularly about where I am.
[ ] I've failed 2 or more classes in one marking period.
[ ] I don't like Bush because from what I hear, he is dumb.
[ ] I don't like Bush with my own reasons to back it up.
[ ] I am for Bush.
[ ] I listen to political music.
[ ] I am bisexual.
[ ] I collect comic books.
[x ] I shut others out when I'm depressed.
[x] I open up to others easily.
[x] I am keeping a secret from the world.
[x] I watch the news.
[ ] I own over 5 rap CDs.
[x ] I own an iPod.
[ x] I'm not a virgin.
[ ] I own something from Hot Topic.
[x] I love Disney Movies,
[ x] I am a sucker for blonde hair/blue eyes.
[x] I don't kill bugs.
[ ] I talk in ebonics, except for around black people.
[x ] I curse regularly.
[ ] I paid for that cell phone ring.
[ ] I am a sports fanatic.
[ ] I have "x"s in my screen name.
[ ] I've slipped out an "lol" in a real conversation.
[ ] I love Spam.
[x] I bake well.
[ ] I would not wear pajamas to school.
[x ] I own something from Abercrombie.
[ ] I sneak out of the house often.
[ ] I have a job.
[ ] I love Martha Stewart.
[ x] I am in love with love.
[ ] I am guilty of tYpInG lIkE tHiS.
[x] I think Napoleon Dynamite is overrated.
[x] I am self conscience.
[x] I like to laugh.
[ ] I smoke a pack a day.
[ ] I loved Perks of Being a Wallflower.
[ ] I loved Go Ask Alice.
[x ] I have cough drops when I'm not sick.
[ ] I can't swallow pills.
[x] I win people over easily.
[ ]I eat fast food weekly.
[x]I have many scars.
[ ]I've been out of this country.
[x] I believe in ghosts.
[ ] I can't sleep if there is a spider in the room.
[x] I am really ticklish
[ ] I see a therapist.
[ ] I love white chocolate.
[x] I bite my nails.
[x] I am comfortable with being me
[ ] I will hate you forever if you don't fill this out and repost this.
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| these days |
[12 Mar 2008|08:26am] |
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mood |
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 cheerful |
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music |
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This Will Destroy You |
] |
I have nothing much to say here. Anyone can read this, so I don't think I'm going to just throw my entire life in this thing like I did once before.
I have a few things to update though.
First off I should just say that right now I'm pretty happy.
I miss Doug a lot right now, but I'm not going as crazy as I did when I was with David, like, "I can't live without you, baby, I love you I love you I love you!" That was definitely a mistake. Doug is a good guy who cares about me as much as I care about him and we have a good time together, and now I realize that's what it is all about.
But if I am missing Doug right now, I am MISSING my Megan right now. She is my best friend ever and I love her and I can't wait to see her when I'm back. Ah. She's in California right now looking at colleges to transfer to. Looking to leave me in Macomb all by my lonesome :(
I will only miss her terribly much. I wish I could, like, marry her, because she is perfect for me hahahahaahaha <3
Last night I rode my dad's old bike around the neighborhood and I think I might go do it again this morning. Only, it really hurts my crotch and my buttcrack shows when I lean forward. Nothin's perfect.
It's 48 degrees out already. Yus!!! I can't wait for Spring WEATHER!
I have to poop.
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| new do of course |
[11 Aug 2007|10:36am] |
so last year I posted on this site because I cut my hair really short, well that grew out (with some akward stages of course) but i got to a nice long length (my hair grows ridiculously fast). Then I got it trimmed about 3 days ago and added bangs. I love it... let me tell this story in some pictures.
( Read more... )
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| iwantyou ineedyou oh babyplease |
[16 Feb 2006|07:50pm] |
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mood |
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calm |
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music |
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we have the facts and we're voting yes. |
] |
don't give up.
This is the first entry of the new year on here.
News:
1) boyfriend. David Simison is the most amazing boy. I'm going to marry him.
2) not so sweet drama in my life right now.
3) uploading the new ipod i got for christmas
4) new friends= amazing. Tricia is such a beautiful person. Brittney has been there through the thick and thin each semester brings us. Cameron, well, is just Cameron. Rachael, though I don't see her often I love her, I know. Ali B, don't see her as much anymore, but last semester was killer in Resource.
5) I'm getting to become friends with people I used to hate completely too. Like Jill. I still don't like that she and Matt are dating, but what can I do about it. I just need to be cool with this. One day at I time. I have to keep reminding myself.
6) New love of my tall riding boots and coruroy skirt.
7) new love of school.
8) Junior = term paper/ACT. I'm hoping for a thirty. Please just let me get a thirty!
9) People are beginning to respect me more, and as they do that I find myself respecting myself a little bit more. I just love to sit and talk to people, whether they want to listen or not.
10) it's been about a month since I've seen that magic.
11) 7:47
12) I am beginning to appreciate the fact that there is a God. I pretty much belive in him.
13) I have horrible roots from the summer. Gosh darn it!
14) I'm also going to marry Death Cab for Cutie.
15) It's raining. Spring is almost here.
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| This is what I mean when I say, "not anymore" |
[16 Aug 2005|12:53pm] |
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mood |
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 disappointed |
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music |
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Coldplay: X & Y |
] |
Yes, there were memories that we shared.
I loved you for real, but things turned different when you decided to abandon me back in February.
I was 15, you were 18.
You didnt want to be just my friend.
I'm not about to abandon you, I need me space, but I still care.
You needed something serious. I can't give you serious.
I didnt do alot of things I could have done, should have done becasue I spent all that time with you.
You are paranoid. You pissed me off so easily with that whole "other boyfriend" thing. Get over it. Not every girl uses that "triple F method".
You were pretty hypocritical alot of the time.
You could do things I couldnt, see people I didnt want to, and go anywhere at anytime. I was either at work or with you. That's it.
You never had money.
We got stale.
I called this afternoon and you picked up. I asked if you were there and you said you had just left. You thought I didnt know it was you. Liar.
I can't lose you as a friend, but I guess you don't want to be my friend anymore. Thanks. I thought you were worth it.
Oddly enough, this is so familiar.
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| Quiz-a-madoo |
[09 Jul 2005|06:59am] |
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mood |
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 contemplative |
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Last Person Who...
1. Slept in your bed: me, no one else would wanna sleep in that nasty thing!!
2. Saw you cry: my mom and my cousin
3. Made you cry: myself, for missing the wall on a flipturn during the 50 FREE!
4. You went to the movies with: my cousin, Sisterhood of the traveling pants
5. You went to the mall with: my beau/ my mommy, I don't remember which...
_____________________________________
6. One thing you wish you could take back: my selfish behavior
Have You Ever...
1. Said "I Love You": Yes.
2. Gotten in a fight with your pet: I dont have a pet
4. Been to Mexico: ew...no!
5. Been to China: I wish
6. Been to Canada: YES!
7. Been to Europe: no
8. Danced naked: sure
9. Wished you were the opposite sex: when I really have to go to the bathroom and the only thing nearby is a tree, thats when I wish I was the opposite sex, other than that...boys suck!
1. Do you have a crush on someone: of course
2. What book are you reading now: I'm not
3. Worst feeling in the world: guilt
4. Future KIDS names: Elizabeth, Ariel
5. Do you sleep with a stuffed animal: AJ, my froggy from when I was eight!
6. What's under your bed: carpet
7. Favorite sport to watch: lacrosse and baseball
8. Location: the beach...
9. Piercings/Tattoos: none
10. Do you drink: H2O
11. What are you most scared of: BUGS!
12. Where do you want to get married: I'm sixteen... hello?
13. Who do you really hate: The id10t chicks who work at Abercrombie, with my boyfriend...
14. Do you have a job: LIFEGAURD!
15. Do you like being around people: OH YES!
16. Have you ever liked someone you had no chance with: uh, yeah, when your not the cutest chick in the junior high... you tend to not get a lot of guys, but have crushes on, like, all of them!
17. Have you ever cried: anytime I feel the need
18. Are you lonely right now: no, not so much, lonely is not a bad thing. The loniest thing I've ever done was open @ work @ 5am and be on the chair, alone, until 11
19. Song that's stuck in your head a lot: Edifice, by Estrela
Have You:
1. Been in love: I'm pretty sure I am...
2. Played strip poker: nah, I suck @ poker and avoid it @ all costs
3. Gotten beaten up: Can't touch this- but my little bro and I get in fights all the time...
4. Pulled an all nighter: no! sleep is my favorite
5. Been on radio/tv: yes, I was on the news for the YMCA and I was teaching lessons. I gave the guy the most horrid look, lik e"Get outta my face, I'm teaching here!"
6. Been in a mosh-pit: OH YEAH!!!!!!
7. Do you have any gay/lesbian friends: yesir_____________________________________
In the last 24 Hours have you...
1. Cried: no
2. Bought something: no
4. Sang: yes
5. Been kissed: yes
6. Had sex: No.
7. Felt stupid: as usual
8. Talked to an ex: no
9. Missed someone: Allison- and Britterz, b/c I work so often I never see her!
10. Ickle Jakey who I babysat last night
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| Stupid Survery |
[29 May 2005|08:17am] |
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mood |
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 annoyed |
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music |
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Mae- Destination Beautiful |
] |
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[01 Apr 2005|12:33pm] |
April Fools day is the best day. Scary
space
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| Suuuuurvey |
[17 Mar 2005|01:59pm] |
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[ ] I've smoked weed.
[ ] I've smoked.
[ ] I've gotten high.
[ ] I've consumed alcohol.
[ ] I've run away from home.
[ ] I lie to my parents regularly about where I am.
[ ] I've failed 2 or more classes in one marking period.
[ ] I don't like Bush because from what I hear, he is dumb.
[ ] I don't like Bush with my own reasons to back it up.
[ ] I am for Bush.
[ ] I listen to political music.
[ ] I am bisexual.
[ ] I collect comic books.
[ ] I shut others out when I'm depressed.
[x] I open up to others easily.
[x] I am keeping a secret from the world.
[x] I watch the news.
[ ] I own over 5 rap CDs.
[ ] I own an iPod.
[ ] I'm not a virgin.
[x] I own something from Hot Topic.
[x] I love Disney Movies,
[ ] I am a sucker for blonde hair/blue eyes.
[x] I don't kill bugs.
[ ] I talk in ebonics, except for around black people.
[ ] I curse regularly.
[ ] I paid for that cell phone ring.
[ ] I am a sports fanatic.
[ ] I have "x"s in my screen name.
[ ] I've slipped out an "lol" in a real conversation.
[ ] I love Spam.
[x] I bake well.
[ ] I would not wear pajamas to school.
[ ] I own something from Abercrombie.
[ ] I sneak out of the house often.
[ ] I have a job.
[ ] I love Martha Stewart.
[ ] I am in love with love.
[ ] I am guilty of tYpInG lIkE tHiS.
[x] I think Napoleon Dynamite is overrated.
[x] I am self conscience.
[x] I like to laugh.
[ ] I smoke a pack a day.
[ ] I loved Perks of Being a Wallflower.
[ ] I loved Go Ask Alice.
[ ] I have cough drops when I'm not sick.
[ ] I can't swallow pills.
[x] I win people over easily.
[ ]I eat fast food weekly.
[x]I have many scars.
[ ]I've been out of this country.
[x] I believe in ghosts.
[ ] I can't sleep if there is a spider in the room.
[x] I am really ticklish
[ ] I see a therapist.
[ ] I love white chocolate.
[x] I bite my nails.
[x] I am comfortable with being me
[ ] I will hate you forever if you don't fill this out and repost this.
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| Volume volume volume! |
[09 Mar 2005|05:42pm] |
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mood |
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- just stop this nonsense!!!!! |
] |
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music |
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Rilo Kiley |
] |
I officially love physics. I think I may have just jinxed in now.
Speaking of jinx!!! BLS bitches!
I have a hole in my heart.
Quit telling me what to do and let me get the heck outta here. Physical, emotional... insubstantial.
I'm leaving this place in June. I wanna be tan.
I have $70. I'm sick of stealing.
She can't hear me. I want to tell her everything.
I'm tired of being average. I'm not smart, I don't have any amazing talents like art, or swimming, or ballet. I suck.
my hair is curly!!! This never happens.
I have a lot to do.
We lost because I wasn't there. Thanks for picking another teammate.
I miss Al. I miss us. I got totally nostalgic for like 5 minutes because I thought of Summah and Thnxgivin and firecrackers and her digital camera obsession. And boys and warm weather. And Goodwill. Allie's SUV and free food. I want it all back now please.
My old long hair. Bright pink and polo t-shirts, pink Chucks when I was the only girl who owned a pair. my skimpy two peice and swim team. babysitting and blowing money on shows and ice cream and watchng the skaters next to my house. Maxeen, Mae, and the Yeah Yeah Yeahs. I thought I was so punk. Cedar Point and Matthew and I pretending we were cool. What was that, like forever ago?
I got an original Goodwill plastic bag. I'm saving it for the rest of my life.
Have you ever had that feeling when you get really nervous and shaky and scared, but then you calm down really fast and it's this weird, colling feeling, like you just got out of a really cold pool on a really hot day? Anyone?
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| Accidental Death |
[23 Feb 2005|05:52pm] |
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mood |
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crushed |
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music |
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My Bloody Valentine |
] |
It's been a while I know but the year has been full of heartache and pain, loss and gain, again and again.
Mary and Ali were just about the sweetest girls I ever knew. Mary was in my Geometry class with Mr. Olson last semester and we had the best time just goofin around and helping one another out, telling stories and agreeing on the most random things. I went to her house so many times too catch up on Chemistry homework and talk and poke fun at all our teachers. She was also in my Geography class last semester and Mr. Seiler called her "Griswald". She always told Mr. Seiler how mean he was and she still got an A in the class. She was so bright all the time and she had so many friends. I remember in the second semester of 7th grade we sat next to each other and we giggled constantly. She was the second friend I made that year because I had moved here from Cleveland and she from California. Then one day she sat next to me at lunch and she instantly made friends with all the girls I sat with. At that time Keith and I were really tight and the three of us along with Leah Stickling hung out all the time because we all lived so close to one another.
Ali, on the other hand, was one of those girls who I wanted to hang out with all the time. We were just as close in seventh and eighth grade as Mary and I were. She invited me to so many parties and movie dates and even just long afternoons to sit on her porch and joke around. She knew I had this huge crush on Drew Ingersoll and she always tried to "set us up" or whatev. Like they said in the newspaper, "She always reached out to the person who wasn't so popular or who wasn't being included." I was the unpopular girl. She reached out to me.
It's a shame that I never got any closer to those girls. They went one way while I did my thing in high school. They were so involoved with sports, Young Life, friends, and family, and I was busy being a brat and pretending I was cool.
I'm really going to miss those girls. Whatever God has instore for them, I know it will be just as amazing as they were. Too bad they were so young, they didn't get to expirience so many amazing things. It makes me want to live my life to the fullest.
Mary Clark: 2/14/89-2/19/05(9:52PM)
Ali Heth: 11/22/88- 2/19/05(9:21PM)
"Enough about me, lets talk about the weather."
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[05 Feb 2005|11:13am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 tired |
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music |
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Something Corporate |
] |
I think we set the world record, or something.
My whole body is, like, killing me. Like, Ow!
Tonight is the Island Blend show. This could be exciting because Sarah Brown is adorable and is going to sing her little heart out. I'm really excited for Sarah Foerester's first show!!!!!
I finally got Wicker Park so I'm hoping Brown and I can watch that this afternoon. I let Paiger borrow my heels and I borrowed her Etnies and I really want my heels back.
Th'end
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| Happy Birthday! |
[30 Jan 2005|06:29pm] |
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mood |
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amused |
] |
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music |
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This Day and Age |
] |
Today is my brother's birthday. He is thirteen.
Ryan and I hung out while my brother had a party. We went downtown and took pictures of houses in the ghetto. They were pretty and big. Pretty big. Then I attempted to help him with his Geometry. Yeah, the totally didn't work. Now I'm home and tired as everything.
My chin is bright pink.
My brother is popping the balloons.
Nicole and Ryan poke fun at the way I talk.
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| I'm scared |
[23 Jan 2005|09:18am] |
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mood |
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disappointed |
] |
I have to ask questions and I have to get answers for what I'm hearing. This isn't right. I'm feeling belligerant about it, it kind of sucks.
I need to see you once more to know what I'm really feeling.
anger, mostly. Don't make me do things I don't want to do.
You are WRONG!!!
am i strong enough now?
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| TGI the weekend |
[22 Jan 2005|10:08am] |
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mood |
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amused |
] |
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music |
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Sufjan Stevens |
] |
Last night was a Friday night that I actually went out.
Sarah Brown and I went to Sarah Foerester's basketball game and we were like the only Dunlap High students there anyway. Then we were going to see "A Very Long Engagement" but it ended up being rated-R and Rave cards kids under 18 so we couldnt see it, and Sarah Foerester couldn't go out with us because she wasn't feeling good. So Brown and I went to Barnes and Noble and ate Chocolate Mousse Cheesecake to celebrate her birthday, which was Thursday, and then went back to her house to try on all her amazing Anthropologie dresses. There was a huge ice storm before we left B&N and her car was covered completely in a half inch thick sheet of ice. I have the biggest ice phobia of anyone. I am so scared that I would fall on my face or crack my head open if I slipped. It's just that scary to me.
Now I have Kuch Kuch Hota Hai and 5 more CSI DVDs to watch. Oh yeah, and I really need to drive! I also am babysitting tonight. And, I, like, totally need the money.
I finally got the Killers CD and the only song I actually like on there is the "Mr. Brightside" song, and my Rilo Kiley CD is back. Thanks Ryan...
Three textbooks equals fourteen pounds. That means I get a lot of arm exercise. Whoa.
ITS SNOWING!
:x:sometimes change isn't always good:x:
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[18 Jan 2005|09:44pm] |
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wow
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| THIS JUST IN! |
[18 Jan 2005|05:21pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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accomplished |
] |
| [ |
music |
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The Honorary Title |
] |
So let me update this mofo-
Today was quite a day. I have all new classes, and not necessarily all new teachers but it's cool. I have painting 3rd hour with Ms. Hale while Sarah, Sara and Cris have it 4th. I have English 4th. I only have 16 people in my English class which is killer because she'll pay attention to us more. I have Phys Ed 1st hour though, and that blows because there is, like, no point in getting ready in the morning.
Speaking of getting ready! I dyed my hair blonde last night. Platinum blonde. If anyone saw me today they'd look at me as if nothing new happened. This means that the hair dye didn't take to my hair. I'm kind of pissed. I mean, I really wanted to change my hair. Sara says she'll dye it for me this weekend, which would also be pretty killer.
So this poor kid from Portugal rides my bus and today was his first day. The kid doesnt speak English and HE DIDNT KNOW WHERE HE LIVED!!!! So he gets off at my stop and he's bawling like no other and he's blabbin' Portoguese at me and I'm like "Oh my goodness what the heck is your name, kid!" and he's doing hand motions and such and blabbin' some more and he writes down his name and I call the Middle School and the tell me HE LIVES RIGHT NEXT DOOR TO ME! So while I'm trying to put this Portoguese kid at ease my brother is looking at me like I'm a freaking idiot and I'm freaking out just as much because the all foreigne language I kn All the help I gave that kid all he could say to me was "You should learn Portuguese." MAYBE YOU SHOULD LEARN ENGLISH AND QUIT CRYING!! Ok, that's my story.
It's freezing outside.
I got the Rilo Kiley CD! It's killer. Everyone should own it because it will soon own you.
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